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If parents are experiencing marital difficulties they need to agree to go to marriage counselling. If they are unable to resolve their differences try another counsellor. If that doesn't work try another counsellor. Give it time to see if you can work things out. If parents can't work things out they sometimes continue to live in the same house but apart from each other. If this doesn't work out the next best arrangement is for each parent to seek their own alternate accommodation elsewhere leaving the children in the family home. The parents then alternate equal time spent in the family home with the children. If parents have to live in separate houses they should think about living next door to each other.
If parents are experiencing marital difficulties they need to agree to go to marriage counselling. If they are unable to resolve their differences try another counsellor. If that doesn't work try another counsellor. Give it time to see if you can work things out. If parents can't work things out they sometimes continue to live in the same house but apart from each other. If this doesn't work out the next best arrangement is for each parent to seek their own alternate accommodation elsewhere leaving the children in the family home. The parents then alternate equal time spent in the family home with the children. If parents have to live in separate houses they should think about living next door to each other.
If parents are not able to cooperate there is a very simple solution which removes the need for them to co-operate. This is the parent who currently has the children living in their own house returns the children to the other parent at say 6 pm on a Friday. This is known as week-about parenting. It is incredibly stable as there is little scope for gamesmanship because both have equal time and equal power. Attempts at gaining an extra day are futile because the parent deprived of time has the power to give themselves make up time. Disrupting the regular cycle may cause a Pathogenic Parent more grief in disrupting their cycle than any possible gain. Little can be gained without retaliation. Both have lots of time with the children and by default get to see them ½ of children's birthdays and other special occasions.
If negotiation is not successful for extra time on special occasions no big deal as the other parent will usually get to see the children in a couple of days, 7 at the most. There are minimal transfers for the amount of of time spent with the child. A changeover time can be selected that is not inconvenient to anyone. Pathogenic Parents get the learn that if they want some flexibility to suit them they have to cooperate rather than the family court sole custody model where the sole custody parent has the power to demand and receive whatever it is that they want. This teaches the children values of sharing and caring.
In cases of conflict this arrangement is likely the most stable arrangement possible.
See the website: https://lw4sp.org
Alternatives such as one day a week involve double the child transfers and are more open for disputation. Even the standard 2 days a fortnight has the same number of transfers at a minimum however the children so often miss out on spending time with the non resident parent for special events such as birthdays that attempts for visitation for special events create extra opportunities for friction and disagreement.
Weekend access regimes are frequently unstable as the resident parent feels the non resident parents assertions to see the child as an interruption to theirs and the child's life. Events can frequently occur that result in much missed visitation till it reaches the point that visitation effectively ceases allowing the resident parent to flex their rights at what they see as ownership rights to the child. This allows the resident parent to their way of thinking 'get on with their life' without being bothered by the non resident parent. The additional time a parent spends with the child to the exclusion of the other parent brings additional financial benefits of extra child support and government family payments. The resident parent then finds it easy to spin a story the other parent has lost interest in the child evoking much sympathy, some financial support and free babysitting by family and friends completely overlooking the child's need to have a relationship with the other parent and extended family.
From the above graph from the ABS it can be seen that for young children ie 0 to 4 that 56 % of them see both parents at least once per fortnight. For older teens ie 15 to 17 that slides to 35 % which is nearly half what it was when the children were young. Only 34 % of children 0 to 4 stayed overnight with their non custodial parent at least once per year. The percentage staying overnight at least once per year rises slightly to 36 % for children in the 15 to 17 age group.
The broad conclusions that can be drawn from the data is that fortnightly access arrangements lessen with time and that most non custodial parents in Australia are little more than a visitor to their children. More detailed and more recent data is not unfortunately available.
Dr Richard Warshak wrote a comprehensive review in 2017 titled 'Stemming the Tide of Misinformation:International Consensus on Shared Parenting and Overnighting' about shared parenting research and literature'. In this Review peer reviewed by 110 of his colleagues he cited Bauserman
who noted a meta-analysis reported better emotional, behavioural, and academic functioning for children in joint physical custody compared to children in sole custody, regardless of the level of conflict between parents.
Dr Warshak commented that rather than magnify harmful effects of parental conflict, several studies suggested that joint physical custody may protect children from some of the potential negative consequences of conflict.
If a child is resisting going from one parent to the other parent, the parents are required to conform to the 'Contingent Visitation Schedule' under the supervision of a psychologist accredited by Dr Craig Childress. This is at the expense of the favoured parent. The Psychologist is to be chosen by the rejected parent.
If a child will not go at all to the other parents house the child is to be assessed for Child Psychological Abuse by a psychologist accredited by Dr Craig Childress. This Psychologist has the power to cut contact of the child with the parent who is psychologically abusing the child for 90 day time blocks.
Parents to facilitate telephone contact of the child with the other parent.
DECISIONS FOR THE CHILDREN
Parents need to make decisions on major issues such as schooling, health, sports, hobbies etc. Rather than arguing among each other the issues are divided up evenly between parents to make decisions on. This process is known as parallel parenting.
A mediator is to be used to set up parallel parenting and deal with any disputes. Where difficulties are unable to be resolved the parents accept 'tossing a coin' is a much preferred option to further disputation.
CHILD SUPPORT
Each parent agrees to pay for the upbringing of the children when they are with them and not claim Child Support.
If Centrelink mandates the collection of Child Support there may be exemptions for 'family violence'. The definition threshold of 'family violence' for most government departments is frequently trivial.
Emma Johnson on why you shouldn't accept child support.
CENTRELINK
Each parent collects Centrelink payments based on the time the child is with them.
CONCERNS ABOUT NON PSYCHOLOGICAL CHILD ABUSE
Serious concerns are required to be reported to the Department of Child Protection. The child is to be placed in the care of relatives with minimal contact by each parent until DCP have completed their investigations.
'If I were appointed by the Court I would remove both of them for the care of the children until things were sorted out' Dr Phil
WRONGFULL COMMENTS
https://sites.google.com/site/saveachildssoul/
Each household is to have a sealed money box in a prominent position in the kitchen labled to support children of a nominated charity in a third world country. Every time a parent makes a derogatory comment about the other parent they must put a gold coin in that money box. Every time a parent confides in adult issues with the child they must put a gold coin in that money box. Every time a parent tells a lie they must put a gold coin or a note in that money box.
Every 3 months the money box is to be emptied and the child taken to the bank to deposit the money in the account of the charity. A copy of the deposit receipt is to be given to the other parent.
When communicating with each other, parents are to be civil and not make derogatory comments about each other. They are not to engage in smear campaigns about the other parent. They need to remember that if you are in a dispute with someone your idea of the 'truth' might come across to someone else as a malicious untruth.
Parents need to recognise the better they treat the other parent the happier it will make their child in the short and long term.
COMMUNITY SUPPORT
Divorcepizza fridge magnets are to be placed on the refrigerators at each household with each parent to explain the evidence and reasoning behind the strategies espoused by DivorcePizza.com to; relatives, friends, school parents, school teachers, school psychologists, child doctors and clergy. The children are to offer the magnets to their friends at school.
Parents agree to have their names on the website of Children and Family Advocacy to show they support these principles of family advocacy.
PROPERTY SETTLEMENT
Assets are to be totalled including superannuation and shared equally among the parents after allowing for initial contributions and any major amounts such as inheritance. If no agreement can be reached upon the value of assets they are to be sold to be divided.
Parents need to attend mediation if they have any difficulties. The 'pick a pile' method is a much better way of dividing photographs and other sensitive items than argument.
LAWYERS
Each parent does everything they can to avoid engaging lawyers. Accredited Parenting Coordinators must be used before lawyers are engaged. Each parent has to pay for their own lawyer. Only Collaborative lawyers can be engaged.
Given the harm to children and families caused by the legal system each parent agrees as a deterrent they will immediately give as a donation to starving children in Africa $ 10 for every page of information created for the family law system.
CHILD SUPERVISION
The children are not to be left alone with anyone other than close biological family over the age of 16 and Government approved child care.
The children are not to be left alone until they are 16.
No live in boyfriends/girlfriends/partners or spouses for the parents.
(see https://www.paaa.support/damage )
PARENTS WHO MOVE AWAY
Parents are not to move more than 3 km away from the other parent. The parent that moves away must pay all costs of transporting the children.
Schools must be as near as possible to the parent who did not move away.
SHARING OF INFORMATION
RESTRAINING ORDERS
Both parties agree that restraining orders are ineffective and inflammatory. If either parent takes out a restraining order against the other parent they must at their own expense remove the restraining order and take other preventative measures such as blocking phone calls or moving further away from the other if really necessary. The other parent is to cease contacting that parent except via means of an independent third party such as a Parenting Coordinator. Child transfers are to take place via a relative or in a public place with cameras such as MacDonalds.
Professor Patrick Parkinson has noted: 'While FVOs often played the protective role for which they were designed, they could also exacerbate conflict and make it harder to resolve parenting disputes.'
If a child takes out a restraining order against a parent then the child is to be immediately referred for an assessment of Child Psychological Abuse by a Psychologist accredited by Dr Craig Childress at the expense of the favoured parent. The Psychologist is to be chosen by the rejected parent.
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